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Special Interest => Parenting => Topic started by: Moonbeam on January 30, 2013, 12:07:55 pm

Title: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: Moonbeam on January 30, 2013, 12:07:55 pm
My DS has very little tolerance for *pain.* If he bumps into a wall, he'll become angry and say something like, "I don't like that wall. I want to break it." If his twin accidently bumps into him, steps on him, etc. he hits her out of anger/retaliation. Obviously, this behavior is unacceptable for us. He has no concept of "purpose" versus "accident" which I suppose is somewhat understandable at this age.

This morning I decided I am going to try something that I did for a few "best friends" when I worked at a school. For example, I was tired of these two particular first grade best friends that would come up to me to complain about their friend. So one day, and it just so happened to be on a Monday (!) I told them that they were not allowed to play with each other, talk to each other, be near one another, etc. for one week. They were devastated. I told their parents what I was doing as well and had their support. The following Monday I told them they could now be together. After that, if either one came to me to complain about the other I reminded of them of the time they were separated, and that they needed to figure out what they could do to not be mad at the other person. That seemed to help quelch any disputes. Soon they stopped coming to me to complain. They figured out what they needed to do to work things out so they could keep playing together.

I had a talk with DS today and told him that if he hurts his sister, he will not be allowed to play with her at all the rest of the day. And of course, I covered some other things which I won't bore anyone with here. If anyone has other suggestions, I gladly welcome them!
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: Scarmiglione' on January 30, 2013, 12:51:58 pm
Sounds like a great plan - you give them the opportunity to solve the problem themselves, yet still motivate them to find a solution.  You give them choices and clear consequences, and many kids will make decent decisions.

Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: MamaLiberty on January 30, 2013, 12:54:52 pm
Wonderful! But I'll bet it is a full time job keeping them apart if you have to go that far.  Good luck!
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: Moonbeam on January 30, 2013, 12:57:14 pm
Ah thanks, Scarmig! It's always good to be validated! :)

ML - It is hard keeping them apart - you know, the whole "twin thing."
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: Rarick on January 31, 2013, 08:18:01 am
Yeah, young twins are frequently inseperable despite whatever else is happening.........  HE definately need to learn to not hit things / people because he is angry.  Angry is not a justification, it is an emotional response to an offense.  REASON needs to figure out, thru the brain, if a response is necessary or not.  Obviously a door does not have intent, your anger at that is just pure emotion- time to get over it and move on.  Looks like it is time for a young male to start learning about decision making, and controlling his environment/emotions and not letting them control him....... 
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: Moonbeam on February 05, 2013, 10:11:26 am
Sunday he hit his sister, less than an hour after a reminder as to what will happen if he does so. He spent many hours alone in his room that day. When we let him out (that sounds weird!) I told him that no one wants to be around someone who hurts them. I also told him that when he becomes angry he has a few options:

1) He can walk away.
2) He can talk. He should tell his sister why he is angry. For example, he can say, "I'm angry because you took my toy away from me." Or, "I'm angry because you bumped into me."
3) He can find us to help him.

Hitting her when he is angry is not acceptable and he will always get in trouble for doing it. Yesterday was better. I heard him become frustrated, but he never hit her. I also had the same talk with DD.

Now if I can only figure out what to do about the 3 foot mouse in the house!  :rolleyes:
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: MamaLiberty on February 05, 2013, 10:46:19 am
Now if I can only figure out what to do about the 3 foot mouse in the house!  :rolleyes:

A three foot mouse?  :thrshocker: :thrshocker:  :panic:
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: Moonbeam on February 05, 2013, 11:00:38 am
I know, I know...  :laugh:
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: MamaLiberty on February 05, 2013, 11:06:27 am
I know, I know...  :laugh:

Pictures... we need pictures. No fair teasing...  :laugh:
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: Moonbeam on February 06, 2013, 02:10:17 pm
How can I possibly stay mad at the mouse who has taken up residence in both our home and hearts?!  :rolleyes:
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: MamaLiberty on February 06, 2013, 02:18:52 pm
How can I possibly stay mad at the mouse who has taken up residence in both our home and hearts?!  :rolleyes:

AWWWWWE, she's beautiful. :)
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: Moonbeam on February 06, 2013, 02:23:40 pm
Aw shucks, Mama! Thanks much  :wub:
Title: Re: When kids hit out of anger
Post by: DPR 2006 on February 06, 2013, 11:07:56 pm
Bummer!  I wanted to see the "mouse". :(