The Mental Militia Forums

Special Interest => Singles & the Single Life => Topic started by: Mountain Prepper on August 27, 2015, 08:25:02 pm

Title: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Mountain Prepper on August 27, 2015, 08:25:02 pm
First, howdy folks (no I have not passed away or been locked up).

Second, I find myself at the far side of my 40's single by (mutual) agreement and an empty nester as well.

Third, I have only found two women I date who are directly "preparation friendly".


Adventures, I think they qualify.


I have been divorced now for about two years, we were in personal separation for years before that and decided to file without lawyers and agree to everything. We are parents to several now adult children. I never went out on my partner until we agreed to end our relationship legally.

Dating again would be a restart from over 20 years prior, a lot to catch up on.

I have learned quite a bit, I have dated about three two four times a week each week for this time, some are repeats, some have become regular partners. I have dated almost seventy different women from various cities at this point.

You learn quick.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Mountain Prepper on August 27, 2015, 08:45:38 pm
Just to be clear, "what is a date" I an loosely using that term to describe a meeting where two people would spend time together with the intent of knowing each other better and to converse and determine if further "meetings" would ensue. Some examples of dates would be conversation over coffee, a walk in the local park, a lunch or dinner, attending a private party as a couple, and many other similar instances.

Friends would "set me up" I often would meet in my travels for business people in the same field I am in and arrange a time to spend together, social gathering places, and even once each a grocery store, and a local festival. In large part (about 70%) were meetings prompted by matches from two free on-line matching/meeting sites.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: knobster on August 28, 2015, 06:35:40 am
Holy blast from the past batman!  Welcome back MP!  Nothing to add to this thread really, just wanted to shake your hand, pour a cup o' joe and pull up a chair.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: MamaLiberty on August 28, 2015, 06:41:10 am
I thought that screen name was familiar! :) Glad you are finding so many ladies to keep company. I tried to "date" a gentleman once after my husband died in 1986, but it just didn't work for me and I never tried it again. I'm content to remain as I am. Good luck to you, and I hope you can find a prepper partner - or at least enjoy the hunt for one.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: socalserf on August 28, 2015, 07:22:57 am
Welcome back.
You've been missed.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Moonbeam on August 28, 2015, 02:23:15 pm
Hello to one of my favorite atheists! I sure have missed your contributions. Your wit and intellect will be a nice change to some of the junior-high antics that seem to dominate these days. Of course, I am busier than a one-legged man in a well, you know! Hope you can stick around a bit as I would love to read what you have to share. Of course, you may have to fit us in between all your speed dating!  :laugh:
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Mountain Prepper on August 28, 2015, 09:03:32 pm
I think I would rather leave out the moral arguments out of what I find the most fascinating - how the "dating world" changes both in time and with the age of the participants. My favorite geeky thing to do, research the information out there on dating and also adjusting what I do based on that information and the conversations I have with my partners.

I liken it to a "social toolbox", everyone gets one but the contents are different.

All (straight) men are essentially handed an empty or almost empty box and will have to fill it with social tools of their own making or gathering.

All (straight) women have the box and some variation of a powerful battery powered tool (youth and fertility) and will fill the "social toolbox" with additions.

What I find most interesting is that many put almost nothing into the toolbox - Men and Women.

Lots of men seem to have no clue what to add to the "social toolbox" and end up not filling it, filling it with junk tools, or using it as a garbage can.

Lots of women end and post-fertility stage seem to think that the "battery" lasts forever and add noting to the "social toolbox".

The more I learn the more I recognize that I am "cheating" the system, at first I was reverting back to things that worked when I was very young. Then I decided on what I liked in a partner and started deliberately tweaking things to gain my desired results.

I won't say it is embarrassingly easy, but it does seem rote and formulaic.

Some very interesting things:

Up to the age of 35-37 there are far more men (many hopeless I should add) looking for women - past this age it becomes heavily skewed in favor of men being "picky" if you tend to date in your own age range. This is just generic, if you stack things in your favor (and I most certainly do) then it becomes a "Sadie Hawkins Dance".

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-case-for-an-older-woman/

How did I "stack in my favor" I started to go back to the gym to get healthy several years ago - then I found that I was close to 50, single, and with a 25 y.o. bodybuilder shape in a sea of overweight Americans... I had become the hunted.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Bill St. Clair on August 29, 2015, 04:38:05 am
Interesting. I've never actively looked for a partner. Learned very quickly that one night stands are fun, but supremely unsatisfying long term. Found my wife at age 30 and married at 35. Now that I've separated with her, I'm in no hurry to find another lover, and will be extremely careful to choose an independent woman, should I ever go looking.

A lot of it is that my sex drive is increasingly to make babies, not just have sex, and I'm too old for more kids. Yes, I'm physically able, but it would be cruel to father a kid who will likely not have graduated college before their father dies of old age. Then again, a post-menopausal woman can't have babies. Might be fun.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Mountain Prepper on September 01, 2015, 08:12:50 pm
Bill here is another link that is very telling - the irrational responses are entertaining as well as enlightening.

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/dateonomics-by-jon-birger-book-review-by-evan-marc-katz/ (http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/dateonomics-by-jon-birger-book-review-by-evan-marc-katz/)
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Mountain Prepper on September 05, 2015, 12:45:40 pm
Bill, honestly "might be fun" is an understatement...

Ever wonder what it is like to be the king? Dating market at 40 plus for men (dating in the same age range) is it.

Just don't be:

Fat and out of shape

Needy

Placating and "nice"

Monogamous  :icon_pirat:

Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Mountain Prepper on September 15, 2015, 11:06:49 pm
So I spent the weekend with a new woman, we hit it off and she wants me to add her to my rotation as much as possible.

I traveled today to meet two new prospects, first one wants to see me again. Taking a risk I texted another in the town on the way of travel and she also wants to see me again.

The only prepper out of the bunch (currently eleven regular lovers) is from a liberal state and is texting madly about "getting out" spaced in-between selfies and not so safe for work selfies and requests... She just will not pull the trigger on moving to a more prepper-friendly state. I shall continue my visits.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: MamaLiberty on September 16, 2015, 06:20:54 am
I'd like to request that more graphic descriptions of your experiment not be detailed here in public.... Thanks.

Just seems to be going that direction.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Mountain Prepper on September 16, 2015, 08:58:14 am
I'd like to request that more graphic descriptions of your experiment not be detailed here in public.... Thanks.

Just seems to be going that direction.

I wouldn't but duly noted.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Mountain Prepper on September 23, 2015, 01:44:59 pm
To some extent what I discovered was a boon to men post divorce and 40 plus in age.

I think that it is hard to overstate the "all-you-can-eat buffet" nature of a man that is normal in all ways (decent job or income source, reasonable education or mental ability) except physical shape.

If you want to not worry about Grizzly bears - you only have to be faster than some of the other campers... a joke I know (as well as macabre and morose) but accurate.

Look at all the fat slobs out there in this age range (35-55) you only have to have a bit of style, up the "manliness" and not be FAT and it becomes "all-you-can-eat seafood buffet" in ways you never imagined.
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Moonbeam on September 23, 2015, 05:00:33 pm
So I spent the weekend with a new woman, we hit it off and she wants me to add her to my rotation as much as possible. I traveled today to meet two new prospects, first one wants to see me again. Taking a risk I texted another in the town on the way of travel and she also wants to see me again.

Oh my goodness! You are Deuce Bigalow!!  :laugh:
Title: Re: Single after 40, can we call dating again an adventure?
Post by: Mountain Prepper on September 23, 2015, 06:59:16 pm
So I spent the weekend with a new woman, we hit it off and she wants me to add her to my rotation as much as possible. I traveled today to meet two new prospects, first one wants to see me again. Taking a risk I texted another in the town on the way of travel and she also wants to see me again.

Oh my goodness! You are Deuce Bigalow!!  :laugh:

Just to double check I turned off all contacts on my phone except "Active" a category reserved for special ladies numbers and addresses, more than I thought.

Strange days indeed.

 :wub: