...those ghosts of old teachers and relatives are internalized now. How to banish them?
Boy, if I could only bottle the answer to that one.
I think feralfae came up with the best advice: Find some different artistic technique that attracts you, and that you never studied in school. Practice and master that. If the ghosts have anything to say about it, tell'em that they don't know anything about it, either, and that they should just butt out.
Ditto.
Singing.
Vocal arts was my only claim to any sort of fame or excellence. When in jr high school I actually won medals at state competitions. It was a group effort and I really loved singing.
Men's Double Quartet and Men's Glee Club were the medal classes. We took first in both.
The next year my family moved and I got to start all over again. Typical military family life.
Went from the group chorus in elementary school to a capella choir doing broadway show productions in high school.
9 years worth of training more or less.
I sang everyday in class and about half the time at home when not in any sort of organized group effort. Just me doing "my thing".
Graduated from high school fully intending to go to college and become a vocal arts major.
The selective service draft + Viet Nam + no money for the tuition = me in the navy and college is
gone .
After that I never had the money or the interest to try to recapture that dream.
I figured it was dead and gone.
Now 40 years later I was listening to the radio and felt moved to sing along.
Yuck. My skills are still in my head but my body has forgotten all of it's 'moves'.
Breath control is basically gone, vibrato is trashed, range has dropped to less than one octave.
I probably could recover the skills but to what avail ?
I answered those four questions posed by SMS and my first answer was ........
not singing.
My first answer was ....................... building a homestead in a wilderness.
[mental image was northern Idaho or western Montana where I lived years back....]
Get practical I said to myself ...... so
My second was having a school boat so I could teach sailing.
This would at least generate an income while allowing me to do something I really love to do.
BUT ......
I can afford to do ...... neither.
Plus I would HAVE TO live near a population center as my "choice" is a public service choice and near the coast or a large enough lake that sailing is practical. Both make the land totally outrageously expensive and that excludes me.
And thank you all for the suggestions and encouragement -- and for not trouncing me. After I posted the opening rant yesterday, I said to myself, "Claire, what the hell were you smoking, to strip yourself so naked in front of people like that? At your age, it's not a pretty sight!"
Now there's a stupid<snip> stereotype that really needs to be done away with. Older More mature does _not_ mean less visually<snip> pleasing period. No need for further references. IMHO
<tuck>
bold emphasis mine
Just a couple of little snips and a tuck and a Yep me too. Nothing personal Roy just a personal choice of expression.
But you guys showed yourselves worthy of my trust -- and no surprise there.
Learning the lessons of Personal Liberty and sharing those lessons with
trust in a group of compatriots through quasi-direct communications is what Most of us are here for isn't it ? I am at any rate.
[I'm not a wordsmith so I'm not sure the actual IDEA I was trying for came across there....... I hope it did]
"...those ghosts of old teachers and relatives are internalized now. How to banish them?"
Ghosts .....
I'm not a mental health professional nor do I play one on the radio .......

BUT I really do think Joel was right on the nail head ........
Tell those "ghosts" to take a hike. Any way you like.
Their time is finished. Gone . No longer needed. By By.
First bring them out. Identify them. Honor them. Then banish them to the past.
My $0.02