The sun has entered a level of high activity in the past weeks, triggering the National Weather Service to issue a solar storm warning level of G2. They go on to explain that a solar storm of that magnitude is caused by the emission of high energy Crazy Particles from the sun. Upon nearing the earth these particles are fairly benign, causing increased drag on artificial satellites, interfering with high frequency radio transmissions over the poles and pushing aurora borealis sightings as far South as 55 degrees N. However, because the earth is at a point in its 4 year period known across the galaxy as an "Election Year" a substantial amount of Crazy Particles manage to breach the ionosphere, where the positively charged Crazy Particles are attracted directly to the negative heads of prominent public figures, a group which most commonly includes politicians (although a large number of liberal newscasters have been affected). Several studies conducted in the UK suggest that comb overs attract up to 30 percent more Crazy Particles than other hair styles. Inside the heads of public figures Crazy Particles cause the afflicted to say crazy things. The National Weather Service suggests protecting all politicians from Crazy Particles, a process which requires the aforementioned politician be sealed in a fiberglass and steel box, encapsulated in a concrete "sarcophagus" and buried 6 feet below ground. This not only prevents the absorption of Crazy Particles, it also hinders the radiation of the much slower Dumb Idea Particles from the politician. The National Weather Service would like to clarify that the solar storm will come to an end on November the eighth, at which time the politicians may be safely exhumed and allowed to go back to stabbing each other in the back like zombies.
I feel like this explains a lot.
