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Author Topic: I am oblivious and now frustrated  (Read 4215 times)

securitysix

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I am oblivious and now frustrated
« on: July 07, 2013, 02:38:24 pm »

Back in about the middle of June, some friends and I went to Santa Fe Cattle Co. for dinner.  According to my friends, the waitress was flirting with me.  I had no clue.  I just thought she was being nice the way people in the service industry do.  Of course, my friends decided to wait until the next day to say something (thanks a lot, friends), so I did nothing about it.  I haven't written off the possibility that she was flirting, but only because she spotted the single guy in the group and figured she could get a better tip (yeah, oblivious and cynical, cause that helps).

I've been back there twice since, once with that same group of friends and once on my own, and haven't seen that waitress since.  The time I went on my own, I asked the waitress that handled my order if she knew the girl but she had no idea who I was talking about.

The damndest thing about it is that when my friends described what happened, I remembered it all happening, and if I had seen it happening to someone else, I'd have recognized all of the same things as flirting.  But when it was happening to me, I had no clue.  Rawr!

Anyway, I don't really have a question here.  I guess I just needed to vent.  Back to your regularly scheduled programming.
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MamaLiberty

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Re: I am oblivious and now frustrated
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2013, 03:15:01 pm »

That would be frustrating. I suspect you just have not had enough exposure.

Back in my youth, a young man might go to church socials, take dance lessons, or join a mixed gender club of some kind. Volunteering to help with civic projects might not appeal to anyone these days, but they used to be a good way to meet people. Maybe join the volunteer EMT or disaster preparedness group? Of course, taking a community college course, or visiting the library regularly would provide opportunities as well. I'm sure you've considered all or most of these, but just in case... :)

And if you meet a girl who looks nice, make eye contact and smile. If she's interested, she'll follow through.

Good luck!
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socalserf

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Re: I am oblivious and now frustrated
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2013, 03:17:24 pm »

Get out there more and practice flirting?
My coworker goes on multiple dates per week, usually just coffee.
He is on multiple e-dating sites.
He talks, texts, and emails, constantly.
He doesn't always choose quailty, but he is sucsessful.
Practice, practice, practice.
Good luck brother.
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securitysix

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Re: I am oblivious and now frustrated
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2013, 09:45:22 pm »

That would be frustrating. I suspect you just have not had enough exposure.

Back in my youth, a young man might go to church socials, take dance lessons, or join a mixed gender club of some kind. Volunteering to help with civic projects might not appeal to anyone these days, but they used to be a good way to meet people. Maybe join the volunteer EMT or disaster preparedness group? Of course, taking a community college course, or visiting the library regularly would provide opportunities as well. I'm sure you've considered all or most of these, but just in case... :)

And if you meet a girl who looks nice, make eye contact and smile. If she's interested, she'll follow through.

Good luck!

I've considered all of that.  It's less about actually finding girls to talk to and more about actually talking to them.  Don't get me wrong, I can speak to women, but I'm actually at my best if I'm not attracted to them.  If I find them attractive, I find myself worrying about whether or not I'm going to say something stupid, at which point I usually default to "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt", which I know on an intellectual level isn't helpful and is actually a hindrance. 

I mean, who knows?  I could say something stupid that gets a girl laughing and that could be the key to her heart.  But knowing something on an intellectual level and doing something about it are not the same thing, else I wouldn't be afraid of wasps (or bees, pretty much anything that can fly and sting at the same time) or heights.

Get out there more and practice flirting?
My coworker goes on multiple dates per week, usually just coffee.
He is on multiple e-dating sites.
He talks, texts, and emails, constantly.
He doesn't always choose quailty, but he is sucsessful.
Practice, practice, practice.
Good luck brother.

It's easy to say that, harder to act on it, especially for those of us who are extremely introverted.    Also, I don't care for coffee (blasphemy, I know, and also not your point).  But I have thought about things like that.  I actually have a profile on a couple of dating sites, but I'm not particularly active on either one, because, again, introvert.

And before anyone goes off about how I have some silly fear of rejection, I don't.  Rejection is easy.  What I fear is acceptance.  I ask, a girl says "Oh, that's sweet but I have a boyfriend" or some variation thereof, I shrug, let the adrenaline from having actually asked wear off, and move on.  If I ask and a girl says "yes", it's "Holy shit! Now what?" time.  I know a place that makes decent Italian food, so dinner there would be an option, I suppose.  The frozen yogurt places are starting to pop up around here, so they could be an option although me and dairy aren't a good mix.  I don't care for coffee, but coffee places serve things like hot chocolate and other non-coffee beverages, right?

But that's beside the point.  My particular rant in this thread was missing this particular boat...er, instance of flirting, whatever.  Grrr!  Rawr!
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MamaLiberty

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Re: I am oblivious and now frustrated
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2013, 08:25:22 am »

But that's beside the point.  My particular rant in this thread was missing this particular boat...er, instance of flirting, whatever.  Grrr!  Rawr!

The bottom line is still that you just need more practice. Don't beat yourself up on what you missed, just exercise your obvious intelligence to gear up for the next opportunity! Concentrate on being more aware of body language and voice tones. It will come easier as you let it happen. As with any other skill, interpersonal relationships are easy for some, difficult for others, but can be learned and improved on with practice.

And yes, not liking coffee may be a slight handicap at times, but I suspect you can find a girl who will either share your preference or be very happy to overlook it. :)
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heyoka

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Re: I am oblivious and now frustrated
« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2013, 02:36:52 pm »

chill
Their like buses, another one will come along before long.  :mellow:
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MamaLiberty

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Re: I am oblivious and now frustrated
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2013, 02:45:02 pm »

chill
Their like buses, another one will come along before long.  :mellow:

With that attitude, an impersonal, temporary "bus ride" is all you're ever going to find. I think SS has something more in mind.
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The lust to control the lives and property of others is the root of all evil.

Chase

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Re: I am oblivious and now frustrated
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2013, 03:44:28 pm »

Start by trowing away every romantic movie you've ever seen, and then forget every TV show you've ever seen, they're all crap.

Then, forget the whole "The One And Only" crap, there is not one "soul mate" for each person out there, there is the person who you love enough to round them up to "one"

Then you got to get out there, find activities that you like, groups that do things you enjoy, meet as many people as you can, all types of people, both male and female, talk and be friendly, do NOT go off on diatribes, as you meet women you seem to click with, ask them out, you don't like coffee, fine order tea, or hot chocolate, or soda for that matter.

Be yourself, if you put up a phony front, you'll meet people who aren't into the same things as you.

But no matter you have to get out there and try, no one ever learned to swim sitting on a dock.
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Re: I am oblivious and now frustrated
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2013, 04:25:59 pm »

chill
Their like buses, another one will come along before long.  :mellow:

With that attitude, an impersonal, temporary "bus ride" is all you're ever going to find. I think SS has something more in mind.

Nope, heyoka is right.  And the attitude is exactly right.  Its not that he's a player, he may well be, but that's not what I read in that comment.  That's a comment spoken by another guy who's dated gals left and right, thought he married the right one and they were divorced a year later.  Then he got back into it and simply refused to ever tie the knot again (she cleaned him out broker than me.)

Heyoka is simply saying "another will be along, don't bash head into wall thinking you've forever missed the bus."

=------------------------------------------------------------------------=

Chase.  +1 brother.

Start by trowing away every romantic movie you've ever seen, and then forget every TV show you've ever seen, they're all crap.

Then, forget the whole "The One And Only" crap, there is not one "soul mate" for each person out there, there is the person who you love enough to round them up to "one"

Then you got to get out there, find activities that you like, groups that do things you enjoy, meet as many people as you can, all types of people, both male and female, talk and be friendly, do NOT go off on diatribes, as you meet women you seem to click with, ask them out, you don't like coffee, fine order tea, or hot chocolate, or soda for that matter.

Be yourself, if you put up a phony front, you'll meet people who aren't into the same things as you.

But no matter you have to get out there and try, no one ever learned to swim sitting on a dock.

First points +1.
Last point... "yeah but never came across someone who drowned until after they got in the water, either!"  :D

You know I had to.
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Re: I am oblivious and now frustrated
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2013, 09:25:26 pm »

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