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Author Topic: On..women  (Read 7742 times)

padre29

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On..women
« on: July 21, 2012, 01:53:31 am »


Well, I'm no expert, let me offer some thoughts that may or may not be helpful:

-Women appreciate honesty especially in romance, this means "us" men have to put our hearts out there..that is how it is.

-Women are as nervous as "we" are when first meeting someone. Take a women on a dinner date and she may not eat anything as she may not want to appear to be unattractive...see that nervous thing

-Women appreciate manners in a man, do not care what the media says, women really like this in a man..just don't go overboard

-Women appreciate a man with his own life, meaning making her the focus of your life "can" become tiresome

-Women appreciate a well dressed/groomed man..not a suit per se, how about a shower and clean clothes?

-Women appreciate a man who can cook and take the burden off of her..besides a romantic dinner at your place saves some $$$$

-Women are conversation junkies, seriously, women will literally talk for hours, "our" job is to listen, be interesting, think she talks 60% of the time, "we" talk 30% of the time, 10% is left for awkward silences... :laugh:

-Women think feelings, "we" think facts, ask a women about something and one is more then likely to hear "..well I feel..."

-Be straight up, but do not be a tool...this is known as tact yes the dress may look bad on her but all she really cares up in terms of "our" opinion is if the tag is sticking out of the back.

Controversial to be sure, just my observations..feel free to chime in


(ducks for cover now.. ^_^)
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MamaLiberty

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Re: On..women
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2012, 07:19:49 am »

Well, I'm no expert, let me offer some thoughts that may or may not be helpful:

Very good, and insightful. Let's see if I can add a little from the woman's perspective.

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-Women appreciate honesty especially in romance, this means "us" men have to put our hearts out there..that is how it is.

HONEST women appreciate honesty, in everything. There are many different shades of integrity among women, just as there is among men. The most important person to be totally honest with is yourself first, and then measure that against what you see in the woman. If you let your hormones do the evaluation, you will probably not see the important clues. This is why it is so important to get to know another person socially and casually long before you begin to explore any kind of intimate relationship. Once the hormones kick in, sober judgment pretty much flies out the window. (And this is just as true for women as for men, of course.)

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-Women are as nervous as "we" are when first meeting someone. Take a women on a dinner date and she may not eat anything as she may not want to appear to be unattractive...see that nervous thing

People are insecure in a new relationship because they don't know what to expect and they don't know what is expected of them. That's where the honesty above comes in. If you are clear about what you expect from another person (as far as integrity), and explore carefully what the other person expects of a relationship, you will overcome a great portion of the "first date" jitters. Just be honest, and don't try to "impress" anyone. If you/they see what they like, you/they will stay. If you/they don't... you/they will walk.

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-Women appreciate manners in a man, do not care what the media says, women really like this in a man..just don't go overboard

Sincere consideration and gentle behavior is always appropriate. Phony "manners," or macho posturing will never win friends among women. And don't get sucked into the convoluted - you can't win no matter what you do - lib/feminazi crap. If a woman gives you conflicting signals on basic courtesy moves, I'd advise you to run and not look back.

Honest women appreciate and are attracted to honest men. Everyone else is on their own and God help them. :)

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-Women appreciate a man with his own life, meaning making her the focus of your life "can" become tiresome

Depends on the woman, of course. Some would dearly love to have you as an abject slave to carry out her every whim. Question is, do you want to be a lap dog? Every man and woman needs to be secure in their own life and work to form a healthy relationship to another person. The "focus" will change during that relationship, from the total involvement during courtship and the honeymoon period, to the relative detachment of maturity and into old age. One of the major causes for divorce, aside from lack of honesty about things from the start, is the mistaken idea that the honeymoon feelings and drives should last a lifetime. They don't and can't, because they would eventually burn a hole right through your brain. :)

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-Women appreciate a well dressed/groomed man..not a suit per se, how about a shower and clean clothes?

I can't tell you enough how important this is - and should be a very vital first clue when meeting new people. Your first gut impression is going to be VERY accurate, usually, though you need to leave wiggle room if you meet under certain conditions. But if you show up for a first date with dirt under your fingernails, or with a lingering BO of booze... you are not going to impress a good, honest woman no matter how hard you try otherwise.

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-Women appreciate a man who can cook and take the burden off of her..besides a romantic dinner at your place saves some $$$$

A good woman appreciates a man who fully engages in LIFE, who is willing to participate in all kinds of things with her as an equal partner. A man who can cook has a tremendous gift to offer, of course, but the guy who can't boil water can be present and at least attempt to learn. A man who would be willing and able to do some of the cooking would be a real prize, but the same can be said for almost anything else in life. The woman who is willing and able to help with the yard, learn how the car actually works, help at the reloading bench, ride the motorcycle with her man... you get the picture - also has a marvelous gift to give. The most important thing we share with any other human being is our self, or presence, our time. No relationship can endure without that.

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-Women are conversation junkies, seriously, women will literally talk for hours, "our" job is to listen, be interesting, think she talks 60% of the time, "we" talk 30% of the time, 10% is left for awkward silences... :laugh:

Not a bad summary, though there are differences between women. Women do express themselves more in words and feelings than do men, most of the time. That's just how we are built. Many have unrealistic expectations that men will both be able and want to engage in the same level of communication. In my experience, this becomes more of a problem in cases where both people are NOT truly engaged in the process of life, as described above. Then the words and feelings are pretty much all she has to work with. Not good. If you are drowning in words and feelings from her, try engaging her - including her - in the rest of your life. If she has no interest in that; if life is ALL about her, her feelings, what she wants, and her opinion on everything, you can pretty well conclude that this is not a woman you are going to have a good, long term relationship with in any case.  Run, do not walk for the nearest exit.

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-Be straight up, but do not be a tool...this is known as tact yes the dress may look bad on her but all she really cares up in terms of "our" opinion is if the tag is sticking out of the back.

Serious minefield here.  The old, "does this dress make me look fat..."  I'm sorry, buddy, but this is exactly the same question as, "have you stopped beating your wife." Any woman who pulls this shit has serious problems, actually. Trust me, she's not concerned with the tag if she's pulling this... she's setting up a trap to punish you.  Many women do this crap because it is how they were raised, and I suppose some don't truly understand how evil it is... but that is their problem. It is aggression, emotional abuse, and plain evil.

This is why it is so important to start from a position of honesty and openness. If you establish mutual expectations early, you should not be blindsided by some crap like this. If it shows up later... take the nearest exit because you will know that this person has no integrity.  Any kind of manipulative and punishing behavior is a good sign that this lady does not belong in your life.

Honest compliments on dress and so forth are always appropriate, but if your partner's happiness rests in your approval or if she uses it as a lever to hurt you... you simply cannot win.

Good luck!
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securitysix

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Re: On..women
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2012, 01:12:32 pm »

-Women are as nervous as "we" are when first meeting someone. Take a women on a dinner date and she may not eat anything as she may not want to appear to be unattractive...see that nervous thing

See, the whole not eating anything or the "I'll just have a salad" thing is BS anyway.  If I ask a girl (which I don't say to be demeaning to women, but rather, "girl" comes out reflexively for me when referring to any female, regardless of age, just as I use "guy" for any male) out to dinner, I expect her to EAT!  If she is honestly a "I'll just have a salad" person, fine, but things won't get that far with me since I'm, as my boss puts it, a "meatitarian".  If she just orders a salad and her stomach starts growling later because she's starving, I WILL mock her for it (...wonder why I'm still single...  :P).  If she orders steak and taters and attacks it with the same gusto I do, I'm not going to thing she's disgusting.

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-Women appreciate manners in a man, do not care what the media says, women really like this in a man..just don't go overboard

Manners?  Like opening and/or holding open doors for people (which I do for anyone, not just women)?  Or keeping your elbows off the table while you eat?  Saying "Excuse me" after you burp?  I can do those things.  I may not do that last one, depending on who is around, but I do it when I'm in mixed company, at least.

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-Women appreciate a man with his own life, meaning making her the focus of your life "can" become tiresome

But shouldn't a guy also make it clear that the girl is appreciated and wanted, too?  I understand that the two are mutually exclusive and that a balance has to be sought, but that's the important part of this point, right?  Having your own thing is a good thing as long as doing your own thing doesn't lead to neglecting her, but you don't want to go to the opposite extreme and neglect everything else to put ALL of your focus on her.  Yes?

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-Women appreciate a well dressed/groomed man..not a suit per se, how about a shower and clean clothes?

Shower and clean clothes I can do.  It's jeans and t-shirts, but they're clean when I leave the house.  That counts, right?

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-Women appreciate a man who can cook and take the burden off of her..besides a romantic dinner at your place saves some $$$$

See, I can cook.  I just don't.  Not because I'm "too good" to cook.  I just lack enough compulsion to cook to override the laziness that keeps me from doing it.

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-Women think feelings, "we" think facts, ask a women about something and one is more then likely to hear "..well I feel..."

I know there are exceptions to this, but it's been my experience, mostly through observation of other couples, but some of my own interaction with the women in my life (sisters, mother, cousins, etc.) that when a woman tells you about her problem(s), she wants you to share in her misery and feel bad with her, which I'm just not that good at. 

It's also been my experience that, if instead of sharing in their misery, you offer them a solution to their problem, especially a well-rationed and simple solution, they get mad.  Especially if they didn't specifically ask for a solution to the problem, and sometimes even when they do.

-Be straight up, but do not be a tool...this is known as tact yes the dress may look bad on her but all she really cares up in terms of "our" opinion is if the tag is sticking out of the back.

Serious minefield here.  The old, "does this dress make me look fat..."  I'm sorry, buddy, but this is exactly the same question as, "have you stopped beating your wife." Any woman who pulls this shit has serious problems, actually. Trust me, she's not concerned with the tag if she's pulling this... she's setting up a trap to punish you.  Many women do this crap because it is how they were raised, and I suppose some don't truly understand how evil it is... but that is their problem. It is aggression, emotional abuse, and plain evil.

This is why it is so important to start from a position of honesty and openness. If you establish mutual expectations early, you should not be blindsided by some crap like this. If it shows up later... take the nearest exit because you will know that this person has no integrity.  Any kind of manipulative and punishing behavior is a good sign that this lady does not belong in your life.

Honest compliments on dress and so forth are always appropriate, but if your partner's happiness rests in your approval or if she uses it as a lever to hurt you... you simply cannot win.

Good luck!

I'm friends with a married couple that has found the perfect solution to this.  I've know the guy since we were 16.  I've known the girl for most of the time they've been together (7ish years, married for a touch over 6 of that).  He is bluntly honest to a fault.  If she asks "Does my ass look big in this dress" or some such, she will get a 100% honest answer from him, and she knows it.  So, unless she really wants to hear the answer, she just doesn't ask.
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gaurdduck

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Re: On..women
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2012, 04:53:13 pm »

My first/ex gf asked me once if an outfit made her look fat, and I was brutally honest when I said "No, it's not the outfit."
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amagi

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Re: On..women
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2012, 01:11:34 pm »

Here is some advice.  Every woman is also a person. Get to know her.  There are no more rules about this process than there are about being a friend to a man. 

It takes some practice to learn what is actually valuable to you in a person and what is window dressing. Pay attention to which qualities are which.

Be willing to end a relationship that makes you unhappy without blaming the whole gender.
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padre29

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Re: On..women
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2012, 08:49:13 am »

Here is some advice.  Every woman is also a person. Get to know her.  There are no more rules about this process than there are about being a friend to a man. 

It takes some practice to learn what is actually valuable to you in a person and what is window dressing. Pay attention to which qualities are which.

Be willing to end a relationship that makes you unhappy without blaming the whole gender.

To me Amagi, that comes down to having your own life to begin with so there is not the self limited "need" to put up with someone who simply makes one unhappy.

That is the classic trap of settling for instead of being with someone you actually WANT to be with in a relationship.
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socalserf

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Re: On..women
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2012, 10:23:12 pm »

The following is all I know about ladies;

































I hope that was enlightening.
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MamaLiberty

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Re: On..women
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2012, 06:07:28 am »

Thing is, socalserf... you are married, and you have so far survived it. That means you know more about women than a lot of other fellas... just saying.  :laugh:  And not talking about it is maybe one of the virtues of what you know. Does your wife look at TMM?  :wub:
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tech_hunter

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Re: On..women
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2012, 09:54:13 am »

A big +1 on getting to know the woman individual.....

I HATE talking!  My husband is a talker, and after 18 years, he still thinks I am "frosty" or "mad at him", when I really just do not like talking.  There have been days when I feel like my bank of listening words has been completely used up, and he can talk for hours in the evening.....reversed roles I guess.

Same thing goes for men.  Get to know the individual.
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MamaLiberty

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Re: On..women
« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2012, 10:05:45 am »

There are endless variations in people that make most stereotypes useless and even counterproductive.

I love to talk... 30+ years as a teacher, lecturer and writer means I love words and the sound of human voices - my own no less than others.

Yet I live alone, and have for most of those 30 years. Now in retirement, I sometimes realize that it has been actually DAYS since I heard the sound of a human voice. I don't play the radio, don't have a TV, and being mostly deaf I don't play movies or video... I sit here in silence most of the time and seldom even notice.

But let a visitor come and I can talk their ear off fast if I don't watch myself. :)
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Diabetic Outdoors

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Re: On..women
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2012, 09:31:56 pm »

I got dumped back in 2011 when i was diagnosed as a type 2 non-brittle diabetic. it seems it was "not proper" for her to be seen with a "sickly person" I got no interest in such a women. So it is not always the guy at fault.
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hangman

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Re: On..women
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2012, 10:50:51 pm »

One thing I've learned(the hard way)after 42 years with Karen is learn to hold your tongue a lot more than your ego would like. Avoid arguments as much as possible as there are no winners. You can only create hard feelings and an icy environment.

Women love to get flowers. Give them often.

Show respect for her feelings. Do not belittle a woman if you want a smooth home life.

Don't try to fix her problems when what she really wants is someone to unload on after a hard day. Just listen.

Oh, and don't forget her birthday and anniversary.

p.s. Feels kinda funny to post in this topic. I haven't been single since I was 16.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2012, 10:52:58 pm by hangman »
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Re: On..women
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2012, 11:14:59 pm »

Bless you, Hangman. I can see why you've been married so long. You're doing just fine  :wub:
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Re: On..women
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2012, 05:34:04 am »

+1E100 Hangman

I also learned the hard way about petty arguments.  No real winners and the next couple of days we avoided talking to each other.  Not healthy at all!

Keep your woman happy.  No matter what it takes.  If momma ain't happy, the family ain't happy.
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MamaLiberty

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Re: On..women
« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2012, 05:51:47 am »

One thing I've learned(the hard way)after 42 years with Karen is learn to hold your tongue a lot more than your ego would like. Avoid arguments as much as possible as there are no winners. You can only create hard feelings and an icy environment.

Indeed... most disagreements don't deserve an argument. But this advice is just as applicable to women as to me. Ignore the small stuff.

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Women love to get flowers. Give them often.

I guess most women do. I do NOT. I consider them a terrible waste and it wouldn't matter how rich the gentleman might be. Find out what YOUR lady values so you'll be as sure as you can that any gift is something she really wants and appreciates.

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Show respect for her feelings. Do not belittle a woman if you want a smooth home life.

Don't try to fix her problems when what she really wants is someone to unload on after a hard day. Just listen.

Great advice, and equally true of both men and women. Mutual respect is essential for a long term relationship.

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p.s. Feels kinda funny to post in this topic. I haven't been single since I was 16.

I must agree with Moonbeam... you're doing something right. 
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