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[Moonbeam]

On a side note: Actually, I think it might behoove us to have a "parenting" or "family" related section somewhere...

Your wish is my command.

 

[knobster]

Thanks for the two coppers Moonbeam.  I didn't think about asking the grandparents for other things vs toys.  Perhaps this Christmas we could tell them to send a small toy and then send us a check/PMs instead.  You are correct that this wouldn't fly with my in-laws.  They would send a government savings bond before they would send a couple of silver dimes...

[securitysix]

I don't have kids and don't know if I ever will (not for lack of desire, mind you, but I gotta find a woman willing to say "meh, I could do worse..." first), but I was a kid once, so here's my take on it:

Stop just giving them stuff.  I don't mean to say you should stop feeding and clothing them, but stuff they don't need, don't give it to them except on special occasions (birthdays and Christmas or whatever equivalent thereof that you may celebrate, basically).  Make them find a way to get money.  I didn't even get paid for the chores I did around the house, so the only money I got for anything was when lazy relatives decided that a $5 or $10 bill was a good enough Christmas/birthday present.  If I wanted something, I could ask for it for my birthday or Christmas, or I could wait until I saved up enough to buy it (which took forever when I only got money twice per year).  Eventually, I got a job and started earning my own money.

My older sister always wanted the designer label clothing.  My parents wouldn't buy it for her.  They'd buy the cheap, no-name stuff from Wal-Mart.  When she complained, my mom told her if she wanted the name brand clothes, she could get a job and buy it her own self.  She babysat and mucked horse stalls to earn her clothing money.

My aunt and uncle bought each of my cousins their first vehicle.  Every one of them picked something "cool", but non-functional (as in, they didn't run, or didn't run right at the very least).  My parents told us "If you want a car, get a job and go buy one."  My first vehicle was a 2001 GMC Sonoma bought almost brand new and I drove it for 10.5 years.  I finally replaced it last December and I intend to drive my new (actually bought brand spankin' new) 2011 Toyota Tundra until it falls apart.

TL:DR version:  Make them actually work for their stuff.  It's easier to appreciate something if you worked hard to get it.

[MamaLiberty]

TL:DR version:  Make them actually work for their stuff.  It's easier to appreciate something if you worked hard to get it.

Amen! And kudos to your folks. They most certainly had the right idea.

That is easier to do, of course, if there really isn't much money coming in or the parents obviously live frugally too - even if there is sufficient income. Also, children in a city have many ways to earn money from the neighbors, but children in more isolated situations will need their parents to help them find those opportunities, I suspect. 

[securitysix]

TL:DR version:  Make them actually work for their stuff.  It's easier to appreciate something if you worked hard to get it.

Amen! And kudos to your folks. They most certainly had the right idea.

That is easier to do, of course, if there really isn't much money coming in or the parents obviously live frugally too - even if there is sufficient income. Also, children in a city have many ways to earn money from the neighbors, but children in more isolated situations will need their parents to help them find those opportunities, I suspect.

Yeah, my folks didn't have a lot of money coming in when I was a kid, so that did help.  They did always say, though, "If you find a job, we'll happily drive you back and forth to it until you can afford your own transportation."  And, in fact, they did.  They drove my older sister to stables and baby sitting gigs until she moved away to college (she finally got a driver's license when she was 25 or 26 and her husband got sick of driving her around), they drove me to work and back until I bought my pickup, and they even drove my little sister to the auto body shops she interned in (then decided she didn't want to do auto body work) and the shoe store she worked in until she could afford a vehicle.

[MamaLiberty]

They did always say, though, "If you find a job, we'll happily drive you back and forth to it until you can afford your own transportation." 

Wow, that was doing a LOT. I either had to walk to baby sitting jobs or they picked me up. And from junior high until I got a car, I had to take the bus to my part time jobs. My mother managed a dry cleaner's store and did alternations, dressmaking. I worked for her, and often for the lady who rented the shop in back making custom draperies. I hated the bus... and still do! Got my first old car my Sr. year of high school and never looked back.

[Rarick]

The way I was raised, and I passed on the kids I have been involved with (My own and others) was that we needed clothes, food, and shelter, with some contact with other human beings/ entertainment as the basics. Just about everything else was a want.  We might get something as a reward, but rarely.  (mainly the parent saw how much you wanted something and made an excuse/ or wanted to cheer you up without "Breaking" any rules....)

Clothing was jeans from sears and roebuck with 1 pair of school designer jeans.  If we wanted designer jeans we spent allowance and job money on the difference (Hmmmm, 4 pairs of plain jeans and 1 pair of designer, or spend 20$ per upgrade to have another pair of decent but not spendy designer jeans).   We got a handset phone with no services and the cheap sears one when that came available.......(If you wanted your own line you paid for that too....)   

Food was generally plain with some fancy stuff on holidays, we never went gourmet, and if you didn't like what mom served, you did without......not starving at all, but the occaisional "Expressing Independance Fast" cut some excess calories......  We did not have Tropical fruit aside from bananas, or fruit that travelled much further than the state next door either if I recall.

Shelter was our own room with our own bed, desk and chair.  Generally to our taste, but not expensive, anything else was bought out of the allowance......  Computers came on the scene, and our family had one, it was part of the TV/ Entertainment stuff.  We did not have TV's or any fancy electronics in our room unless we bought it from our allowance/ job money. 

I and my parents didn't say word 1 when we/ the kids wasted our money.  We earned it and how we spent it was our problem......we learned by making mistakes with it, end of lesson!

Holidays and gifts were generally "Cool things of use that they would not buy for themselves"  like the Terrarium my sister was lusting after for almost a year, but never quite bought because of something else coming up........   There was a disconnect with the relatives though,  useless expensive and fad related......fun in its own way but usually repurposed within a month......   

Also we had a "Half hour to the road" rule when we went camping, we packed our own stuff, and had to fit it in our own space in half an hour and we would be on the road, no go backs.........  I had a bugout pack before I knew what that was called.   I had some problems with things like toilet paper as various stages of growing up happened (mom and dad took care of those communal items....)

Whoa wall of text, but maybe I helped.......
 Bottom line, parents provided the basics of what we needed, anything upgraded we did ourselves......

[DiabloLoco]

Also we had a "Half hour to the road" rule when we went camping, we packed our own stuff, and had to fit it in our own space in half an hour and we would be on the road, no go backs.........  I had a bugout pack before I knew what that was called.   I had some problems with things like toilet paper as various stages of growing up happened (mom and dad took care of those communal items....)

I really like the "Half hour to the road" rule. I may be starting that soon with my own family. Would make good bug-out drills. It would help me learn about all the little essential things that get left behind, and plan accordingly for the future.

[MamaLiberty]

Thanks, Rarick... we just have to remember that one person's "basics" look much like another's idea of fancy. It all depends...

I never had a room all to myself until after I was divorced... As a child, we usually had at least some food each meal- but not always...  We had something over our head every night, but we all slept in the car a few times and often had to camp out at relatives houses. One summer the three of us - Mom, my sister and I - lived in a tiny tear drop travel trailer parked in someone's driveway. That was an adventure!

And so on. The idea of having a phone of one's own as a "basic" for a child is still mind bending to me. We didn't have one as a family until I was 11 or so. And my sister and I were not allowed to use it except in an emergency. We were on a 16 party line at first, so lots' of luck anyway. LOL

It's all relative to the people and the situation.

[Rarick]

The handset in the bedroom/ own phone did not show up until 13-14 when the parents were starting to feel like a secretary answering the phone for us........ it was basic to parental sanity.........

but the bottom line was that the parents provided what looked like a "Necessary" item on a basic, no frills basis.  The Bells whistles and decor were our problem.

[MamaLiberty]

but the bottom line was that the parents provided what looked like a "Necessary" item on a basic, no frills basis.  The Bells whistles and decor were our problem.

Oh, I do understand, Rarick. Different times...  But, thinking back, I still don't think I'd trade my childhood in the 50s for any going on right now. I can still be reduced to grateful tears just seeing a big, beautiful orange...

[Scarmiglione']

We also have the problem of too much stuff.  I married into a large family, and so the kids gets *many* presents from relatives they may only see once in a while.  We're trying to turn that around some, and focus on the quality instead of the quantity.  For example, this year my eldest got one birthday present from the relatives, they went in together to get a nice musical instrument that she has been taking classes for. 

And around Christmas we have them grab one or two of the welfare kids' wish requests from the trees either where I work or at the mall.  They buy those gifts for the poor kids with their own money.  We've always made a practice, before each birthday and before the Christmas Holidays, of them going through all of their things and throwing out broken toys, and donating unwanted toys and clothes to various charities.

We are also adding a soup kitchen trip this year.  We are hoping that seeing and aiding those in squalor will keep some perspective.

[knobster]

Amen scarmig.

We have our children help out with a few local missions that our church participates in.  They enjoy doing it and realize that there are the less fortunate out there.  It's a constant uphill battle though.

[PrepperTraining]

We are also adding a soup kitchen trip this year.  We are hoping that seeing and aiding those in squalor will keep some perspective.

That is a great idea that the GF and I have been considering too.  How old are your children?  Any thoughts on an appropriate age?

[Scarmiglione']

I would say that if your kids can reliably carry out instructions, there is a place.  If they can cook, and are comfortable serving hot food, handling potentially dangerous items, they can do that, though the kitchen may restrict that to adults just to avoid trouble.  My personal thought is that six would be about as young as anyone would be comfortable with, but gauge based on what you know about your kids and how well they take instruction in a busy, hectic and distracting environment.