Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[DiabloLoco]

Kids are obedient BECAUSE you have taught them to do what you say because LIFE ISSUES the consequence for not listening to mom/dad.   Dad Occasionally uses the belt as a premeditated "I told you so" for the life threatening crap life will return to you for certain stupidities.  They do what you say because you have reasoned with them and make sense about your position and are consistent about it. 

I have noticed that the well behaved children are usually talked to for a minute or two when they do something wrong, and that is usually it, sometime it goes to a conversation, but rarely.  The real boneheads are the ones where mom/dad isn't teaching anything but "Do this, do that, hey you want lumps?  Then DO IT!"........  Kind of interesting........

I sometimes use the tried and true "BECAUSE I SAID SO! THAT'S WHY!!!", only to later, after dwelling on the confrontation, sit the minion down and do my best to explain the error made and why it was wrong. It's hard to be rational about it when the offense occurs sometimes. At those times, all I can think about is "AHHHHH!!! THAT'S NOT SAFE!!!!" I can be a bit overprotective at times. Especially with my daughter.

[Rarick]

The phrase "No time now, just do it" is handy for those hurries.

[MamaLiberty]

Anyone who can deal with a two year old using rational negotiation, especially in an emergency, is a miracle worker.  If children expect a "negotiation" for everything, they will not be willing to do what is necessary in an emergency to take advantage of an adult's better appreciation of the situation and required action.  How to instill the necessary response without some sort of "obedience" training is something I never figured out.

[sharp_shepherd]

We work with many kids through our country foster care department and we must do lots of training. I have learned that it's impossible for kids under 3 to rationalize or see themselves outside of themselves.  They call it the primal brain phase. 

What we see is that so many of the kids we get (most 6 and under) are so starved for structure that they get into our routine very well and sometimes behave better than our own kids in public.  We have been lucky with our results and our home is known as "Last name boot camp"...except we don't yell.  Even the parents come to learn effective parenting in our house. 

[Moonbeam]

From the moment of birth their will is in full force! Discipline should not be looked at as something negative in nature. My goal is not to produce “perfect” robotic children. My goal is to help shape them into mature, responsible human beings who display self control and respect for others. We do expect them to obey our instructions because we are wiser than they are. And aside from the aforementioned stated goals, it also our responsibility to protect them from harm as much as possible while determining what natural consequence for their poor decisions they should bear. For us, discipline and love are not antithetical; discipline is not done to the child, it is done for the child because we love them. We are not wholly rigid in our childrearing. We constantly observe and evaluate their maturity, and introduce new and realistic boundaries and responsibilities. We encounter setbacks, failures and disappointments. However raising them in an atmosphere of honesty and security (by meeting their needs of love, trust, affection and discipline), and respecting their dignity and worth allows us to delight in their progress and successes, which far outweighs any unacceptable behavior. I imagine one of the greatest experiences in life is watching your child blossom into a kind, productive, intelligent, responsible, unique adult. Of course, we lean on our faith to get us through the tough job of parenting.

Edit to remove sanctimonious impression (I hope!)...

[Rarick]

Gah!  I am so far from those infantile years that I forget about them.  My take on the 1 thru 4-5 year olds is kind of like dealing with real smart pets.  I DO NOT MEAN TO DEHUMANIZE, that is just they way things seem to work.......  Get and Keep a routine and lots of play and exercise.  We were in town one days when the 4 year old piped up "Look Cheap Shoes!"  he could read but couldn't articulate the letters or numbers and how he thought they were cheap........  Paint me purple and call me surprised when I realized what happened.......