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[Tahn L.]

LIBERTYVILLE  SHERIFF’S  OFFICE      How May I Help You?

I would like to try an experiment that could lead to fun, discussion, disaster or maybe even to a YouTube experiment.

Let us imagine that there really is a trusted person in the office of sheriff in a libertarian community. He/she has no more rights or powers or firepower than anyone else and everyone has the power of arrest, the right to keep and bear arms but the sheriff’s sole duty is to help protect the rights of every individual from the equal rights of every other individual, as Jefferson said. The sheriff has some expertise in crime investigation (mala in se only) and more time to devote, since they are paid with voluntary funds from the community, who supports the sheriff with personal action and backup as needed. The supreme law of the county is of course the Zero Aggression Principle.

That’s the set up for this experiment. Now what would today’s ordinary calls to 911 or the Sheriff’s office sound like when a libertarian answers the phone? examples;

Libertyville Sheriff’s Office, How may I help you?
Yes, I just saw someone smoking pot down by the bridge. Are you going to come out?
No, I never smoke pot when on duty and I don’t get off for another 4 hours.
Click.

Libertyville Sheriff’s Office, How may I help you?
I just saw someone carrying a gun under their jacket. It made me scared.
Well, is it raining or snowing there?
Yes.
They probably are just trying to keep it dry. Don’t be scared unless they point it at you. If you carried a gun also, it might make you feel better.
Click

Now I know this forum can do better than my first feeble attempts. Humor is good, practical advice is great but the central core is to remain true to our libertarian principles. How would you handle the calls?

Please help man the switchboard of The Libertyville's Sheriff Office.

[Adventurer, Explorer, Inquiring Mind.]

Those are a great start.  I'll see about thinking a few up while I'm working on other things.  Won't promise anything, but those are HILARIOUS!!!

[MamaLiberty]

How about one from real life? Several years ago, a friend and I were in Rapid City, SD, in the Walmart. Several "associates" approached us and asked us to take our guns out. We went with them to see the manager. He came out of his office and said he'd already called the police.

The call went something like this, I imagine:
Manager - There are two people here carrying GUNS.
Police dispatcher - Are they threatening anyone or causing a disturbance?
Manager - Well, no.
Police dispatcher - OC is legal in South Dakota. If these folks are not hurting anyone, just leave them alone. Have a nice day. Click...

They had asked him if we were causing problems or threatening people. When he told them we were not, they said OC was not illegal and for him to have a nice day - then hung up.

We could tell he had come from somewhere else because of the puzzled look on his face and the disbelief in his voice. 

We finished shopping and then went home. Never had any more trouble there after that.

[RVM45]

I had an Aunt who was a Southern Lady with Money back at the turn of the century.

One night she spied a burglar climbing through her bedroom window. She shot him in the head and went back to sleep with him hanging dead half in and half out of the window.

She didn't bother to summon law enforcement--the sheriff I think--until after coffee in the morning.

Nothing to get excited about...

Wonder how that would play nowadays?


.....RVM45           

[Bear]

I had an Aunt who was a Southern Lady with Money back at the turn of the century.

One night she spied a burglar climbing through her bedroom window. She shot him in the head and went back to sleep with him hanging dead half in and half out of the window.

She didn't bother to summon law enforcement--the sheriff I think--until after coffee in the morning.

Nothing to get excited about...

Wonder how that would play nowadays?


.....RVM45           

She was probably just being considerate. The would-be thief wasn't
going anywhere, so why get the Sherif  up in the middle of the night.

I think waiting until after Coffee was a nice genteel touch, though. 

Bear

[DiabloLoco]

Libertyville Sheriff’s Office, How may I help you?

My next door neighbor just came over and beat my husband within an inch of his life!!! Please send someone FAST!

I'll send an ambulance. May I ask why your neighbor came over?

Well............

Ma'am?

Well, my husband was beating on me and my daughter and he heard the commotion. He came over to see if everything was okay.

I see. I'll be sure to stop over and thank your neighbor for saving me the hassle. Have a nice night ma'am.

Click!

[oldphart]

Once when I was a child living in rural Oregon, I and my grandmother walked the mile-and-a-half to the general store.  After choosing a few items we went to the counter to pay for them.  Grandma sorted through her purse for the proper change and pulled all sorts of things out to allow her to get her hands in.  The shopkeeper din't even flinch when she laid a .32 revolver on the counter and when she found the change he simply bagged her items while she put her gun back in her purse.

Try that now!

[MamaLiberty]

Try that now!

I'd gently tell her she needed a holster and offer to help her find one.

[Tahn L.]

Libertyville Sheriffs Office, may I help you?

Yes. I just saw a young girl, maybe 14 or 15, buy a rifle from a store downtown. Can you arrest the store clerk who sold it to her?

Why would I do that ?

Well, it seems terribly wrong. Something must be done.

I guess I could offer free safety lessons for anyone buying a firearm. Would that make you feel better?

But she is too young.

Annie Oakley was only 10 or so when she bought her first rifle. Do you know who Annie Oakley is?

No.

Well there is a great book on her at the library. You could check it out.

click.

[Felinenation]

Libertyville Sheriff's Office, how may I help you?

My neighbor is building a shed, and I don't think he has a permit.

Is he building it on your property?

No, he is building it on his property.

Then why do you care?  If it's not on your property, it's none of your business.  And we don't require building permits in Libertyville.

click

There are a number of variations on this theme:  My neighbor's grass is too tall.  My neighbor has a junk car in his yard.   My neighbor is a hoarder.  My neighbor is growing vegetables in his front yard.  My neighbor's house has peeling paint and a broken window.  And all the other mala prohibita zoning and code enforcement BS the municipal ruling class*  uses to control what we can do on our own property.  The correct response to all of these is MYOB.

___________________
* I must give credit to Paul Bonneau for this excellent and accurate description of the controllers, found in a comment on Claire's BHM blog.

[MamaLiberty]

There are a number of variations on this theme:  My neighbor's grass is too tall.  My neighbor has a junk car in his yard.   My neighbor is a hoarder.  My neighbor is growing vegetables in his front yard.  My neighbor's house has peeling paint and a broken window.

The Libertyville dispatcher might also ask the complainer if he's offered to help his neighbor find a solution. Aside from the vegetables in the front yard, many of these things happen when people become elderly, disabled and too sick to take care of things.

I was unable to mow my front lot this summer due to a bad fall that hurt my old back injury. A neighbor showed up one day with her mower and got it done in an hour or so. She said she had seen me gimping around with the hose trying to keep the few trees I have left alive...  And I've watched her children a time or two.

A man down the street has a horse and a small lot. I have a large lot in back that can't be mowed... too uneven. I also have trash I can't take to the dump... no truck. He has a truck. His horse lives in my back 40 all summer, and he takes my trash...

That's what neighbors - good neighbors - do.  The sheriff's dispatcher here would laugh if someone called with any of those complaints. There aren't any "codes" out here. Still too much "prohibita" with drugs and some things, but no place is perfect.

[Adventurer, Explorer, Inquiring Mind.]

That's what neighbors - good neighbors - do.  The sheriff's dispatcher here would laugh if someone called with any of those complaints. There aren't any "codes" out here. Still too much "prohibita" with drugs and some things, but no place is perfect.

That part I boldfaced for your perusing pleasure, is the main reason I haven't left Wyoming yet.

[Tahn L.]

Hello, Libertyville Sheriff’s Office;

Hi Sheriff, this is Sarah. I talked to you last week about helping out the battered women’s house foundation here in Liberty County. Have you had a chance to consider our request?

Glad you called Sarah. Yes I did and I also had a chance to talk with the County Commissioners and several local business owners. We think we can all help. Of course I am not allowed to give away Sheriffs funds to any organization at all but I think you will be pleased with our help.

Wonderful Sheriff, what did you have in mind?

Well, as you know, The Sheriff’s office has weekly training sessions for firearm safety, marksmanship, concealed carry and all around good gun advice, for women especially.  Now as the Sheriff, I can assure you that if any woman needs emergency training in self defense using firearms, outside of classes, day or night, we will try and be there to help. 24/7 just call on us. Isn’t that good?

Well, ah I...
 
And wait Sarah, there’s more. The local gun shops have volunteered to have an “at cost” sale to allow all women to purchase a sidearm all the way through “Battered Woman Month”, er  though I forget just when that is.   
And there’s more Sarah. The other merchants have volunteered to start a fund so that if there is any woman in need of a self defense pistol and she cannot afford one, they will purchase one for her. We can’t have any county women being at risk. Although Sarah, I was looking back over the records for the last 10 years and ever since the county adopted Constitutional Carry, the violent crimes against women have fallen dramatically. Still, we want to be there to help. How’s that sound Sarah, good ideals and in the community spirit?

Community spirit?

Yes. This County believes that no one has the right to initiate aggression against another. Isn’t that the concept behind your battered women’s program?

Well yes, ah  Sheriff, let me get back to you about this. I’m not sure this was what we were, ah, thinking about.

Well fine Sarah. The offers stand and are in place now. Spread the word and get ready for the big gun sale. Ah, when was that Sarah?

[Felinenation]

Here are a couple more on the code enforcement theme.
____________


Libertyville Sheriff's Office, how may I help you?
 
My neighbor is running a business out of his house.
 
Good for him.  It's nice to see someone being productive, instead of going on welfare.  Let me ask, do you go to church?
 
Yes, I do.
 
Is that what you learned in church, to snitch on your neighbor?
 
(silence)
 
And, do you fly the American flag?
 
Yes, I proudly fly the flag every day.
 
Don't bother, you don't have a clue what it stands for.
 
click

___________________

Libertyville Sheriff's Office, how may I help you?

My neighbors leave their garbage cans out where I can see them.

Have you considered getting psychiatric help?

click

______________

The last one is a new violation they have created in my town, leaving garbage cans out (unless it's garbage day). How silly can they get?

And, in the first one, those are some characteristics I have observed of the people who snitch on neighbors: churchgoers and flying the flag.   <Not implying that all people who go to church or fly the flag are like that.>

[Tahn L.]

Libertyville Sheriff’s Office, How may I help you?

 I was just down at the farmers market and saw a man selling pot from the back of his truck.

Yes, many local farmers sell their produce there. That’s why it’s called the “farmers market”.

But this was marijuana. Right there in plain view.

I don’t understand the problem Sir.

HE WAS SELLING POT IN PUBLIC!

So what?

This is an outrage, aren’t you going to do something?

No Sir. Buying and selling anything between county residents is no concern of the Sheriff’s Dept. unless it was stolen goods of course. Do you have reason to believe it might be stolen?

No, he said he grew it himself.

Well, farmers have the right to grow anything they want on their own property.

Aren’t there any laws around here at all?

Yes Sir, we have ONE Law here in Liberty County. “No one has the right to initiate aggression against another or to authorize or delegate aggression against another.” That’s it.

You’re kidding.

No Sir, and it is a very strict law and we enforce it.

You are actually protecting his “right” to sell pot?

Yes Sir, drugs, guns, whatever he wants to sell that he is the actual owner of. Say, how much was he asking for the pot, I may want to stop by after work, it he doesn’t sell out by then.

click