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[Tahn L.]

My Essentials For a (Hopefully) Lasting Relationship

First and foremost, mutual openness, honesty and truth. These are essential from both parties. From these will come trust, the underlining foundation and basis for any relationship.

Second, a true friendship based on the above. If you are not good and dear friends, who enjoy each others companionship and company, why would you want a commitment to a life spent together?

Third, a matching moral and ethical standard of values. If not matching there will be conflict, in my opinion. In my case this requires her to be libertarian in spirit and action. Consideration should also be given to compatible diets and approaches to medicine, doctors, etc.

Fourth, a compatible spiritual belief. They certainly do not have to be the same but they do need to be compatible and not in conflict.

Fifth, a compatible and shared life goal. If one wants to travel and the other wants to be a homebody it is difficult. Not impossible but difficult and certainly not what I want.

Sixth, a compatible life style. If one wants to live in the country off grid and the other in a metropolitan high-rise or even if both want to live in the country but one wants a nice house on a hill with a barn and horses but the other wants a small cabin in the woods with a few chickens or goats, it will cause a conflict or disappointment to one or both.

Seventh, Who’s in charge? Of the house, money, the garden or of security. Often these determinations are a natural and mutually agreeable aspect of two people but when there is a conflict, it can be shattering and divisive. Arguing can be a destructive influence on any relationship, especially when living together in close quarters and these aspects should be worked out before a commitment.
 
Eighth, a mutual pheromone attraction. This is not absolutely critical but sure helps in getting along Unfortunately, this last aspect is usually the one that first attracts two people to each other but I do not believe that it alone will hold a couple together over a long haul.  I am convinced that this should be postponed until after the first seven have been determined to be mutual. Then jump over the broomstick, best wishes and good luck.

These are just my criteria, not ones I am suggesting for others, although I believe they should be thought about and discussed. Maybe that’s why I’m still single, 20 some years after I divorced my first (and only) wife. But these were all aspects of contention in my marriage, some more than others, that were harmful, hurtful and hell.

If you can add some other aspects that you have found helpful or that you feel would be beneficial, please do.

added MamaLiberties suggestion below.

[Bill St. Clair]

Yep. Unfortunately, most people get married when they are very young, and prone to having everything overridden by chemistry.

I broke with my wife largely because she's a democrat. The actual political party doesn't matter, but the fact that she has a deep sense of entitlement. She's also a guilt tripper, trained well by her mother. It gets very old when your partner gets what she wants by attempting to make people feel bad.

[RVM45]

Your list is probably close to the truth…

But for an Independent Thinker who isn't the result of one of the Cookie-Cutter Conformist Molds…

Your odds of scoring even 3 out of 8 are dismal.

"Don't you want to be a Non-Conformist Like Everyone Else?"

"No, I want to be a Maverick and Boldly Follow The Herd…"


HMMMmmnnn…..?

Might make a good theme/title for a book: "Frenzied Exchanges with '60s Flower Children and other Irrationals"




…..RVM45

[MamaLiberty]

I'd add that consideration should be given to compatible diets and approaches to medicine, doctors, etc.

A lady who wants to go to the doctor all the time, or worse, manipulate her husband, will not be happy with an independent man who will only take a pill if the problem is life threatening.

And if you take on a partner who has serious health issues, these need to be discussed and strategy agreed on long before the wedding bells.

[Tahn L.]

ML,  Good one about diet and Doctors. Consider it added.

RVM45.   I corresponded with several (ok many) Ladies  when I was "dating" on the internet and found that many were just right except for one or two of these items on my list. I met a few but something always came up that was a barrier. I felt it "safer" to just correspond since I still get dang attracted to the ladies. One reason I am a hermit now.

Btw, I was a 60's and early 70's "Flowerchild". Yep, maybe not as irrational as some as I lived in a tipi, was anti gov. and had a craft but even now, I am still anti-war but I expanded my motto of "Peace, Love and Brotherhood" to "Peace, Love and Brotherhood Through Equal Rights and Firepower. Just shows you there is always hope.

[RVM45]

When I was a Teen talking to Teeny-Bopper Hippy wannabees I never could understand why when I said, "I agree with 95% of what you said, but lets examine that other 5%…"

 They would screame in rage, turn on the Heavy Duty Sarcasm and act like someone  pouring a Gallon of Molten Lead on a Garden Slug when a Pinch of Salt would have been as effective…

{Understand, there were things where we were 180^o apart and I expected for them to get wet and soggy, remarkably saline and damned hard to get along with over them. What puzzled me was why the hostility when we almost agreed?}

Much of the Philosophy of the '60s was based on the idea that everything in life is Black or White. We should all color exclusively with Primary Colored Crayons and the Solution to all life's problems is incredibly simple—only some Rat-Prick Bastards have been spreading gloom and depravity via the hoax that some issues in life are complex…

When they meet someone like that, they give him all the withering scorn and contempt that should be reserved for pedophiles, dudes that put ketchup on hot dogs and country music musicians.

"Turn On; Tune In and Drop Out"

Yeah, some Survivalists have been trying to become independent enough to largely Drop Out for over 40 years now—and a few of them are almost there.

Of course if you're willing to survive by begging and getting food stamps it becomes laughably simple…

If being dependent on the system that you fear and loathe doesn't hurt your pride.

But Anyway:

"Come now let us Reason together" affects folk of this tapster like Silver Crosses Weird Vampires.


…..RVM45

[Tahn L.]

Well, I have never gotten food stamps and only panhandled once. Got into a pretty civil discussion with one guy on the ethics of it. I think he ended up giving me a buck. That was in Boulder in 71 or so.

I think I had an advantage in being 25 or so before I followed Dr. Leary's advice. The people I hung around with were of the quality who could defend their positions with words and succinct  argument. They still are but the number has dropped considerably. When I was a hippy, all we wanted was free speech. Nowadays they  want to control speech, just like the control freaks of yesterday. Go Figure.

The most extended debate I can remember was at the first Gathering of the Rainbow Tribe in 71. It was over whether it was polite to fart at a meal, when there were "No Rules". The argument was settled by the Lady in charge of the food table saying "That's right, No Rules BUT, My table, No Farting. Don't like it, eat somewhere else."

I will still engage in a dialog with almost anyone, as long as we are actually communicating, not just throwing words.

HEY, I love, pure country music. Not the new stuff but mountain music. As Ray Charles said about country music (he loved it) "It's all about the story". Sometimes it's about the music also. Have you seen the movie "Song Catcher"?

[Mountain Prepper]

Once a person opens the Pandora's Box of human sexuality and starts honestly dealing with what you will eventually discover, It will be hard not to end up having most think you are a horrid misanthrope.

What is a good match? I think I am discovering that, problem is that many of the things I love are divided among many.

All but number eight make a great friend, problem is that sex is the very glue that makes a mate a mate and not a friend.

mutual pheromone attraction. This is not absolutely critical but sure helps in getting along

It is not critical for a man to desire sex from a woman, and some (not most) women can over time negotiate themselves out of this if there factors become more wanted (provisioning over desire). What I will tell you is that for more than a limited tryst or a horrible end to a dull or torturous relationship this compatibility BETTER be there!

As luck would have it this compatibility is common! My guess is, of the people you pick for dating likely 75% are compatible (could be 80% after a shower!) this is also a function of the initial choosing, General human health* has strong visual indicators! (Not counting some problems or even surgical procedures)

We tend to be more choosy than we think we are, and far more than we would ever admit to most of the time.

My valued items in a woman:

1. Femininity, the entire package: curves (although I find that my acceptable body type runs a huge gamut), long hair (yes I'll tell you most guys think that short hair thing is at BEST tolerable), graceful movements, pleasant voice and manors, pleasant giving demeanor. A desire to be wanted and protected in the most basic (simple) ways.

2. Sexual submissiveness: I must indicate that I am one of the few "over the top" hyper masculine types and I can deal with a "brat" quite effectively in and out of actual play. But without a second thought this aspect must be there. Clearly the recent popularity of BDSM in the world of womanly erotica has brought this out of the dark closet and has been a huge boon for my type in the dating world.

3. Genetic compatibility: while I am no longer interested in having more children and raising another family the biological programing is not to be trifled with. That pheromone attraction fits in here as well.

4. Intelligence and a higher than normal ability to communicate and converse. (I have found that the more liberal arts educated a woman is the lower this becomes as they tend to parrot out leftist brainwashing - good for romp in the sack and not much else).

Strangest thing is that I tend to be the most sexually comparable with women that are far leftist and highly educated, I believe it is a predatory thing and I, without a doubt tend to play with them for the sexual thrill, get bored and go to the next. Honestly they tend to throw themselves at me, so bereft of "manliness" in their lives, I tend to be sympathetic to the plight of their spiraling lives but that screeching leftism eventually ruins things and I loose my ability to tolerate anything other than screaming sex.

[Mountain Prepper]

I should also add we know for a fact that biologically speaking women are serial monogamous (translation - not lifetime monogamous, always looking for better!) and men are polygamous (will go where allowed by the participants).

Socially high value men will always be in demand by larger numbers of women, the rest of the men get sorted out by women depending on a sliding scale and a woman's ability to "get better"...

[Silver]

Heh.  I love the looks I get when I tell folks that in our society we practice serial polygamy.

A friend's wife once told me that she would rather her husband and I spend a weekend drinking whiskey and chasing women than she attend a conference on gold with us.  I asked her how she felt about catch and release.

Peace,

Silver

[RVM45]

EE…

A "Gentleman" is defined as Someone who never displays Overt Sexuality.

A Gentleman never makes a pass at a Lady unless he is 100% sure she will say: "Yes'.

Presuming that the Lady with a "No" riding on the tip of her tongue has a "Yes" instead is the Height of Presumption.

{I'm not talking about asking for Sex—this applies even to asking her out for a "Date".}

And in this World, Women reward Neanderthals who grunt and grope with both Sex and Companionship while Gentlemen live their lives Alone.

Once he realizes the game is rigged, a man with even a small shred of self-respect will refuse to play it…

Especially since playing involves not only the Heartache—which is comparatively insignificant—but the loss of face involved in losing to one's inferiors.




…..RVM45

[StillaGhost]

EE…

A "Gentleman" is defined as Someone who never displays Overt Sexuality.

A Gentleman never makes a pass at a Lady unless he is 100% sure she will say: "Yes'.

Presuming that the Lady with a "No" riding on the tip of her tongue has a "Yes" instead is the Height of Presumption.

{I'm not talking about asking for Sex—this applies even to asking her out for a "Date".}

And in this World, Women reward Neanderthals who grunt and grope with both Sex and Companionship while Gentlemen live their lives Alone.

Once he realizes the game is rigged, a man with even a small shred of self-respect will refuse to play it…

Especially since playing involves not only the Heartache—which is comparatively insignificant—but the loss of face involved in losing to one's inferiors.




…..RVM45

 
 
  Exactly correct. Well said......

[Adventurer, Explorer, Inquiring Mind.]

I should also add we know for a fact that biologically speaking women are serial monogamous (translation - not lifetime monogamous, always looking for better!) and men are polygamous (will go where allowed by the participants).

Socially high value men will always be in demand by larger numbers of women, the rest of the men get sorted out by women depending on a sliding scale and a woman's ability to "get better"...

The term you are searching for, but may not be aware of is "hypergamy."  And it is a real concept.

In reality, women are turned on by men who possess self control, self respect and self worth.  THIS is what a gentleman is.  I'm not sure who taught you that a gentleman never shows overt sexuality towards his partner.  A gentleman is a man who knows his worth, his skill and that of his desired mate.

The alpha male monkey will show similar traits, and this is why women go for the scumbags.  Because the good guys have been victim to religious and hollywood two prong attack of matriarchal brainwashing.  Women want good men, men want good women, but we've all received some degree of brainwashing as to how to approach said desired asset.

For example, we've been hollywooded that a "strong woman" is a woman who is a dyke and a bitch.  We've been taught that a good man is an obedient drone with a good paycheck for his family to mooch until he dies.  We've been taught everything wrong.

In reality, a strong woman is one who loves who she loves and is an unassailable fortress to bullshit and backstabbing, who's sure of herself and her knowledge and feelings rather than being easily swayed by any tramp scumbag who wanders by and has even 5% inkling of "mojo" or "game" or whatnot. 

A strong man, by comparison, is one who stands tall for what he believes, and doesn't sell out.  He learned from watching other animals and knows that a male shows weakness only when he's so close to dying that he's about to keel over.  We've been taught women love crybabies and teddy bears.  To quote a friend of mine:  "A woman will sleep with a teddy bear, but the Teddy won't get lucky."

A strong woman knows her man is hers, and knows how to keep him, and knows how not to be a clingy whiny little girl crying for attention at all times.  She isn't a skanky whore spreading around the weekly dose of herpes or gonorrhea.

A strong man knows his woman is his, and knows how to get her and keep her equally well.  He doesn't get jealous.  He perplexes her by NOT punching out that cute guy at the clothes store for talking to her.  He doesn't even mind her flirting, even if he keeps an eye on it to see if he should concern himself.  His self assurance actually strengthens hers.  He also knows that if she betrays him or walks away, he should be a man, and live his life.  If he's truly a catch and knows it (not necessarily rich, but a catch nonetheless) then he also knows that she squandered a wonderful life.  He moves on with a shrug and a laugh as he knows he kept living his life and didn't put it on hold in some bullshit Romeo and Juliette-an way.


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As for "losing to one's inferiors" I do so every time I pay "my taxes."  Everyone in the county office is my inferior in intellect, and most, in physical ability as well.  THAT bothers me.  Having a parasite try to sell my house if I'm late with "my taxes" bothers me.  Losing a dumb young woman to a scumbag punk does not. 

Lets face it, losing a hot girl to some punk kid should make you laugh about her stupidity or immaturity and her poor judge of character.  Thank the punk kid for saving you from her and find a better specimen.  I'm hearing from a lot of quarters that the ratio of eligible women to eligible men these days is almost 8 or 10 to 1.  That's a lot of fish in the sea.  Why lose any sleep over it?

Given time you'll perfect your craft and find a good woman who will treasure you as you treasure her...

[Mountain Prepper]

EE…

A "Gentleman" is defined as Someone who never displays Overt Sexuality.

A Gentleman never makes a pass at a Lady unless he is 100% sure she will say: "Yes'.

Presuming that the Lady with a "No" riding on the tip of her tongue has a "Yes" instead is the Height of Presumption.

{I'm not talking about asking for Sex—this applies even to asking her out for a "Date".}

Overt sexuality is inherent in our style of dress and social structure, it is why the neoteny and androgyny of the de-manculinised and de-feminised is so odd and repellent.

And in this World, Women reward Neanderthals who grunt and grope with both Sex and Companionship while Gentlemen live their lives Alone.

Yes, because we are biological creatures with pre-programed responses, we are only a slightly evolved ape.

Once he realizes the game is rigged, a man with even a small shred of self-respect will refuse to play it…

I don't understand not evolving to do what is needed to win... To win (or more accurately earn) what you want or need is never diminishing of any self-respect. To choose to not "participate" is a personal choice but I do not presume dignity or self-respect is added by that choice.

Especially since playing involves not only the Heartache—which is comparatively insignificant—but the loss of face involved in losing to one's inferiors.

I do not consider women inferiors nor even any of "competition" in that way, I simply recognize that we are apes and as such only have a thin veneer over that animal nature by virtue of a larger more capable brain.

Would not one strive to be "better" to become the apex in attractiveness and desirability.

Is a brightly feathered bird (so adorned to attract mates) less because of the bright feathers?

[Mountain Prepper]

I should also add we know for a fact that biologically speaking women are serial monogamous (translation - not lifetime monogamous, always looking for better!) and men are polygamous (will go where allowed by the participants).

Socially high value men will always be in demand by larger numbers of women, the rest of the men get sorted out by women depending on a sliding scale and a woman's ability to "get better"...

The term you are searching for, but may not be aware of is "hypergamy."  And it is a real concept.

I am fully aware of that term and the science and fact behind it, and thanks for being the one to use it, I think I will continue to avoid terms and concepts that as you know clearly enrage any who are part of, or enslaved by the Imperative.

In reality, women are turned on by men who possess self control, self respect and self worth.  THIS is what a gentleman is.  I'm not sure who taught you that a gentleman never shows overt sexuality towards his partner.  A gentleman is a man who knows his worth, his skill and that of his desired mate.

RVM45, posted what you are responding to here, I of course tend to more agree with your presentation of observational fact.

We've been taught women love crybabies and teddy bears.

Sadly leaving a sexless male population addicted to porn or chumps that have been taken for cash and prizes... (or for that matter the small percentage of women taken for that same cash and prizes - as we recognize the government will use even laws meant to advance a targeted group in reverse to gain money).

A strong woman knows her man is hers, and knows how to keep him, and knows how not to be a clingy whiny little girl crying for attention at all times.  She isn't a skanky whore spreading around the weekly dose of herpes or gonorrhea.

I have to say that I understand the hope but all men and all women have biological triggers, the volume that it is elevated to, and the receptiveness to them, is of course adjustable. Even the "best" of us will succumb when the threshold is reached - every ape has his or her eventual price, be that low or high! Including the unfortunate "war bride" response.

A strong man knows his woman is his, and knows how to get her and keep her equally well.  He doesn't get jealous.  He perplexes her by NOT punching out that cute guy at the clothes store for talking to her.  He doesn't even mind her flirting, even if he keeps an eye on it to see if he should concern himself.  His self assurance actually strengthens hers.  He also knows that if she betrays him or walks away, he should be a man, and live his life.  If he's truly a catch and knows it (not necessarily rich, but a catch nonetheless) then he also knows that she squandered a wonderful life.  He moves on with a shrug and a laugh as he knows he kept living his life and didn't put it on hold in some bullshit Romeo and Juliette-an way.

Nicely done - self-improvement is the only way to a better life, it must always be for oneself.

As for "losing to one's inferiors" I do so every time I pay "my taxes."  Everyone in the county office is my inferior in intellect, and most, in physical ability as well.  THAT bothers me.  Having a parasite try to sell my house if I'm late with "my taxes" bothers me.  Losing a dumb young woman to a scumbag punk does not.

Even the "scumbag punk" has at least earned what he has (in this case), the masses of inferiors have been bought and paid for... a long time ago.

I'm hearing from a lot of quarters that the ratio of eligible women to eligible men these days is almost 8 or 10 to 1.  That's a lot of fish in the sea.

I heve earned nine for myself I keep in regular rotation. And yes a 35 year old man who is fit (not a fat ass) and is masculine and understands attraction and arousal for women, has a sea to swim in.

Why lose any sleep over it?

Exactly.

Given time you'll perfect your craft and find a good woman who will treasure you as you treasure her...

Or several... No reason to reject the benefits of what you can earn.