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[mouse]

I am not really worried about Aidan's collection of "machine guns".  I have bought him, and the other kids, "spud guns", water pistols (including super soakers), cap guns (which I am surprised that you can still get the caps for) and nerf guns.  Someone even gave him a "pop gun" for his last birthday and I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid myself.

For a country with such strict gun laws, unlike America, surprisingly the attitude towards guns here is totally different.  According to what I've been reading, in some places in America kids have been suspended from school for things like pointing their finger, bent like a gun, at other kids, taking a "bubble gun" to school or even mentioning the word gun or drawing a picture that could be loosely interpreted as being of a gun.  So a kid making "guns" out of bits of wood and nails would be an absolute "no-no" in some kindergartens in parts of America, but the teachers are quite encouraging about it.  At the kindy one time they asked the parents if they would bring along things for activities for the children.  One father brought along two air rifles and set up targets in the yard of the kindy for practise, I helped with making the targets and this was very popular with the kids.  It probably wouldn't have worked with the school as some older kid would probably come along and try to be all macho and monopolise the activity.

I still don't know what to make of Aidan.  I came into the house yesterday and he was sitting in "the naughty spot" staring ahead.  I asked him what he was doing and he said "I made a mess on the floor so I sitting on the naughty spot".  No one told him to, he just did.  Sure enough there was a pile of sand on the floor

I think the only thing I can do about Aidan's aggressive behaviour is to encourage him to do everything with the other kids so that he feels part of the family.  He will be five next year and go to school with the others so that will help, he will be included in all the school "rituals".  Andy is drifting away from him more and more now as he wants more of a social life, he doesn't really want a young child, he wants a social life.

[Bill St. Clair]

I still don't know what to make of Aidan.  I came into the house yesterday and he was sitting in "the naughty spot" staring ahead.  I asked him what he was doing and he said "I made a mess on the floor so I sitting on the naughty spot".  No one told him to, he just did.  Sure enough there was a pile of sand on the floor

Time to teach him how to clean it up, instead of the naughty spot.

[DiabloLoco]

Seems to me, that it's the son that needs to be whipped into shape. It's his responsibility to teach and guide the boy. I'm not saying that the grandparents do not share that responsibility, but the parent is the primary not the grandparent. Once that changes, things will most likely iron themselves out.

[MamaLiberty]

Seems to me, that it's the son that needs to be whipped into shape. It's his responsibility to teach and guide the boy. I'm not saying that the grandparents do not share that responsibility, but the parent is the primary not the grandparent. Once that changes, things will most likely iron themselves out.

Yes, in general terms, but I suspect highly that this isn't ever going to happen with that particular parent. Unless there's some kind of miracle, it's too late for that "father" to get his stuff together enough to have anything rational to teach that child.

[DiabloLoco]

Seems to me, that it's the son that needs to be whipped into shape. It's his responsibility to teach and guide the boy. I'm not saying that the grandparents do not share that responsibility, but the parent is the primary not the grandparent. Once that changes, things will most likely iron themselves out.

Yes, in general terms, but I suspect highly that this isn't ever going to happen with that particular parent. Unless there's some kind of miracle, it's too late for that "father" to get his stuff together enough to have anything rational to teach that child.

I have more to add, but don't want to offend mouse.

I'll pare it down A LOT and sum it up with this- Having mouse raise her grandchild is NOT the answer, IMHO.

[MamaLiberty]

I'll pare it down A LOT and sum it up with this- Having mouse raise her grandchild is NOT the answer, IMHO.

No disrespect to mouse here either, but I highly suspect that the child will be better off being raised by mouse than the irresponsible "father." The little guy is in for one heck of a rough ride, unfortunately, unless he can start getting tough love from all concerned with his care. Inconsistency is actually worse for children.

[DiabloLoco]

Deleted by me. Sometimes, it's better to leave things unsaid.

[MamaLiberty]

Deleted by me. Sometimes, it's better to leave things unsaid.

True, my friend. And, in the end, only mouse and her family can decide what is best for them anyway.

[mouse]

Seems to me, that it's the son that needs to be whipped into shape. It's his responsibility to teach and guide the boy. I'm not saying that the grandparents do not share that responsibility, but the parent is the primary not the grandparent. Once that changes, things will most likely iron themselves out.

Yes, in general terms, but I suspect highly that this isn't ever going to happen with that particular parent. Unless there's some kind of miracle, it's too late for that "father" to get his stuff together enough to have anything rational to teach that child.

I have more to add, but don't want to offend mouse.

I'll pare it down A LOT and sum it up with this- Having mouse raise her grandchild is NOT the answer, IMHO.

Please tell you what you think Diablo.  I guess that is what this board is for, discussion on things.  I wouldn't have put all this out on a public forum if I was sensitive about being offended by peoples' opinions.  I don't have to always do as people say but sometimes it is helpful to know what they think.

[Splash22]

I still don't know what to make of Aidan.  I came into the house yesterday and he was sitting in "the naughty spot" staring ahead.  I asked him what he was doing and he said "I made a mess on the floor so I sitting on the naughty spot".  No one told him to, he just did.  Sure enough there was a pile of sand on the floor

Time to teach him how to clean it up, instead of the naughty spot.

100% agreed!
Who cleans up the sand???

[mouse]

I did of course.  I didn't have time to teach him how to do it, and left to his own devices he would have made even more mess.

It is amazing just what he can do for himself.  His attention span is not very long but if you show him how he can do most things.  But, cleaning up messes, well you have to be prepared to sacrifice your time and maybe the thing that has been made a mess of.  Sometimes it is just not worth it.

[Splash22]

I did of course.  I didn't have time to teach him how to do it, and left to his own devices he would have made even more mess.

It is amazing just what he can do for himself.  His attention span is not very long but if you show him how he can do most things.  But, cleaning up messes, well you have to be prepared to sacrifice your time and maybe the thing that has been made a mess of.  Sometimes it is just not worth it.

..........and his Dad?

[mouse]

Made a breakthrough with Aidan.  He is no longer blaming other people/anyone at all for things that go wrong (he stubbed his toe on a rock and picked up a stick and started beating the rock with it saying "stupid rock, you hurt my toe", or he was walking up the stairs in front of me and he tripped and said "it's your fault, you should have carried me up the stairs", or he couldn't get his "tablet" to work properly and so he lost his temper, threw it down roughly and said "stupid tablet, you never should have buyed it for me").

He went to use his tablet and it had run out of charge, he complained and I said "that is because you took so much time putting your pyjamas on", he still looked angry and he rushed to put in on charge, but said "I never should have done that".

He is finally "owning" his own problems.  We are getting there.