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[mouse]

Our son, who is 32 and the father of three of our grandchildren, has now moved in to our house in an effort to "get his finances under control".  We have "adopted" ("legally", I guess, through the court) his three children so they all live in the house with us. 

Now it is like we have four children.

There are a lot of advantages to that arrangement, but also some huge problems (ones I knew would arise but "kept my fingers crossed" that somehow they wouldn't).  Like Andy's (son) constant use of his cellphone while we are having dinner and him doing things that I won't let the kids do like putting his feet up on chairs, not cleaning his teeth every day - it's surprising how the kids notice this, leaving soft drink cans (and the occasional bourbon & coke can) lying around the floor along with chippie packets.  It is wonderful that he's stopped smoking, drinking all the time and swearing.  That has made a huge difference.

I guess those things are pretty minor really but I wonder how important you people think kids having/not having lollies (candy I guess is the Americanism, or am I being too presumptuous to say that?)

Andy buys them sweets and chocolate all the time.  I lost my temper with him last night and confiscated the latest round of candy (looking like an absolute villain for doing that and causing everybody to talk and argue at once).  I said to Andy "you know they're not supposed to have lollies", he said "but I love my kids", I lost my temper and said "do you want them to have teeth like yours?" (Andy has got bad teeth but he won't do anything about it because he's scared of the pain).  I realised that that was a really, really bad thing to say and it was just mean, as soon as I'd said it, but  it seemed to work as I overheard nearly 10 year old Conner saying to his younger brother "we shouldn't get those lollies because we don't want to have teeth like Dad" (the kids can always get them back if they want to because there is nowhere in the house that I can hide something that Conner can't find out where it is and get it.

The thing is, what do you people think?  Should kids have lollies all the time?  Or not?

[FDD]

Our son, who is 32 and the father of three of our grandchildren, has now moved in to our house in an effort to "get his finances under control".  We have "adopted" ("legally", I guess, through the court) his three children so they all live in the house with us. 

Now it is like we have four children.

There are a lot of advantages to that arrangement, but also some huge problems (ones I knew would arise but "kept my fingers crossed" that somehow they wouldn't).  Like Andy's (son) constant use of his cellphone while we are having dinner and him doing things that I won't let the kids do like putting his feet up on chairs, not cleaning his teeth every day - it's surprising how the kids notice this, leaving soft drink cans (and the occasional bourbon & coke can) lying around the floor along with chippie packets.  It is wonderful that he's stopped smoking, drinking all the time and swearing.  That has made a huge difference.

I guess those things are pretty minor really but I wonder how important you people think kids having/not having lollies (candy I guess is the Americanism, or am I being too presumptuous to say that?)

Andy buys them sweets and chocolate all the time.  I lost my temper with him last night and confiscated the latest round of candy (looking like an absolute villain for doing that and causing everybody to talk and argue at once).  I said to Andy "you know they're not supposed to have lollies", he said "but I love my kids", I lost my temper and said "do you want them to have teeth like yours?" (Andy has got bad teeth but he won't do anything about it because he's scared of the pain).  I realised that that was a really, really bad thing to say and it was just mean, as soon as I'd said it, but  it seemed to work as I overheard nearly 10 year old Conner saying to his younger brother "we shouldn't get those lollies because we don't want to have teeth like Dad" (the kids can always get them back if they want to because there is nowhere in the house that I can hide something that Conner can't find out where it is and get it.

The thing is, what do you people think?  Should kids have lollies all the time?  Or not?

sure if you want to help them have bad teeth and be diabetic, go for it.

[knobster]

Your house, your rules.

Sweets make nice occasional treats but all the time?  No way.  The body needs energy to survive and those lollies offer a quick burst of energy and then the crash afterwards.  Not to mention poor health and bad teeth.

Our kids get two little treats each night after dinner.  Typically one of those 'fun size' candy bars that you pop in your mouth.  The rare trip to the local ice cream shoppe is also a welcome treat but overall, very few empty calories make their way into my 3 kids' bodies.  I see so many kids these days that look in ill health, zero energy and basically look like barely conscious zombies.  Then I see our kids running around outside like crazy people, chasing the dog, exploring the forest, etc and I can't help but weep for all those other kids.  Garbage in, garbage out...

[MamaLiberty]

Why would you feel badly about giving the children some control over their own health? I'm glad they took the teeth thing seriously, and hope they will continue to do so. It is entirely too late to do anything about your son's tendencies. In any case, he's responsible for his own life and choices. As the adoptive parent, you are still responsible for the children.

My children never had much candy of any kind when they were young. They never had any cavities until high school, when they began to drink a lot of soda. Since they earned their own money, they bought what they wanted... and live with the consequences.

You have a rough situation there, and no easy answers. Chin up... and don't let them beat you down.

[Tahn L.]

Mouse, I agree with most of the responses, especially these. Maybe show them some photos of people who are diabetic and have bad teeth.  Good luck!

You have a rough situation there, and no easy answers. Chin up... and don't let them beat you down.

Your house, your rules.

sure if you want to help them have bad teeth and be diabetic, go for it.

[mouse]

Thanks.  I'll try that.